How to Actually Date Yourself: A Real Guide to Self-Intimacy and Growth

Being single in a couple-centric world can feel frustrating — even alienating. Society often presents singlehood as a condition to be cured. From romantic comedies to social media, we are subtly taught that being partnerless means we are missing something — love, desirability, even worth. But here's the truth: you are not lacking anything. And the most meaningful, longest-lasting relationship you'll ever have is the one you build with yourself.

Welcome to the idea of dating yourself — not just a feel-good mantra or hashtag, but a deep, intentional practice of self-connection, care, and love.

What Does It Mean to Date Yourself?

You’ve probably heard or said it before: “I’m dating myself right now.” It sounds empowering. But is it more than just a statement?

Many of us say we’re “focusing on ourselves” after a breakup or during a lonely season — but often, that “focus” stays in the realm of thoughts, not actions. Real self-dating goes beyond bubble baths and solo brunches. It involves deliberate emotional investment, behavioral changes, and consistent nurturing, just like any healthy relationship would.

Why It Matters: Beyond the Buzzwords

The concept of “self-care” has been commercialized to the point of hollowness. But true self-care is about real care — building trust with yourself, nurturing your needs, and acting in your own best interest.

Jessica Dore, a therapist and tarot practitioner, explains that while we’re often told to “think positively” to feel better, changing your behavior is far more effective in shifting how you feel. If singlehood feels like a void, trying to mentally reframe it won’t fix the feeling. But treating yourself differently — intentionally, lovingly — will begin to transform your internal world.

From Concept to Commitment: Tangible Ways to Date Yourself

Dating yourself is a practice — not a performance. Here’s how to turn “I’m dating myself” into a lived reality.

1. Take Yourself on Actual Dates

Set time aside each week to do something joyful, reflective, or pleasurable — alone. That could be:

• A picnic in the park with your favorite food

• An art museum visit followed by journaling

• A long bath with candles, music, and mindfulness

• Trying a new recipe or dancing in your living room

What matters is the intention. You’re not killing time — you’re showing yourself that you matter enough to be romanced.

2. Evaluate the Relationship You Have with Yourself

Ask the same questions you would in a romantic relationship:

• Am I kind to myself?

• Do I respect my needs?

• Do I show up consistently?

• Do I communicate honestly?

• Do I make time for myself — or only when I’m lonely?

A great exercise is to compare how you treat yourself vs. how you treat close friends or lovers. If you wouldn’t neglect a partner, why do it to yourself?

Self-Dating Prompts: Reflection and Growth

To really go deep, we’ve broken down reflective questions into three time-based areas:

✅ The Present: How Do I Spend Time Alone?

• What do I enjoy doing in my free time?

• Do I feel peace, boredom, or anxiety when I’m by myself?

• Am I easily distracted (e.g., always on my phone)?

• How do I talk to myself during chores or stress?

• What would help me feel more engaged or content when alone?

✅ The Past: What Shaped My Inner World?

• What moments in my life made me feel powerful?

• When have I failed myself — and how did I respond?

• What personal achievements have I celebrated? Or ignored?

• What have I healed from, and what’s still healing?

Journaling, art, or digital scrapbooking can help reconnect you with your personal history and self-worth.

✅ The Future: What Do I Want and How Am I Moving Toward It?

• What are my short and long-term goals (hobbies, work, love, sex)?

• How do my current habits support — or sabotage — those goals?

• What kind of person do I want to be in 5 years?

• How can I act in alignment with that vision today?

Self-Awareness Check: Where’s Your Attention?

Let’s be real — many of us are on autopilot. Even when we try to focus on ourselves, we might find our attention scattered. You might take yourself out for a solo date, but spend the whole time on Instagram. You might plan a journaling session and end up on TikTok.

Treat your time with yourself like a sacred date. Would you ignore a partner to scroll your feed? Then don’t do it to yourself.

➤ Try This:

Practice mindful awareness. Each time your attention drifts, gently guide it back and say:

“I deserve to be present with myself.”

Your Community Still Matters

Dating yourself doesn’t mean isolating from others. In fact, self-dating gives you a solid base from which to create deeper, healthier relationships. Surround yourself with friends who uplift you. Practice being present in all your relationships — including the one with yourself.

Final Thoughts: A Nonlinear Journey

There’s no “finish line” to dating yourself. It’s not just something to do when you’re single. It’s a lifelong practice — one that strengthens every other relationship in your life.

Even when you find a romantic partner (if you want one), the self-work continues. When you stay connected with yourself, you become more grounded, clear, and emotionally resilient in all your interactions.

❤️ Remember:

• You are not incomplete.

• You are not broken.

• Your relationship with yourself is valid, valuable, and worth cultivating — every day.

✨ Ready to Begin?

Take yourself on a real date this week.
Turn off distractions.
Be fully present.
And say:
“I love being with you.”
Because you do.