Why Saman Shad Was Nervous Writing The Sex Lives of Married Women

By Nimcy | May 26, 2025 | Londonmouth

When Saman Shad sat down to write The Sex Lives of Married Women, she wasn't just penning fiction—she was confronting the quiet taboos surrounding Brown women’s sexuality, self-pleasure, and identity within marriage. It was personal. It was bold. And yes, it made her nervous.

“We don’t talk about these kinds of intimate details as Brown women,” Shad admits. “So writing them down and sharing them publicly was terrifying.”

Yet that vulnerability pulses through every page of her provocative second novel, which follows the tangled lives of Meena, Rani, and Sophie—three women navigating the beautiful, messy terrain of marriage, sex, motherhood, and friendship.

Intimacy Unfiltered

From Meena seducing her husband with lingerie to Rani's private moment with a vibrator gone awkwardly public, the novel doesn’t shy away from the raw realities of women's desires.

“I had to get over my own awkwardness,” Shad explains. “Especially when writing about women and self-pleasure—something that still carries so much shame in our communities.”

Shad makes it clear that while cultural taboos run deep, they're not the only barriers.

“It’s not just our backgrounds—it’s universal. A lot of women, regardless of culture, are taught to stay silent about their needs.”

Her goal? Break that silence.

A Novel That Reflects Real Women

Each character in the novel brings a different layer of identity: Rani is a first-generation Indian migrant; Meena, a second-generation Pakistani; Sophie, an American with different freedoms and struggles. Their contrasting cultural experiences create tension, but also space for shared healing.

The novel draws its power from authenticity. Meena had to introduce her white husband to conservative parents. Rani hides the darker truths of her life in Australia from family abroad. Meanwhile, Sophie navigates motherhood with more liberty, yet her story is no less complex.

“I wanted to show how friendships during motherhood can be lifelines,” says Shad, herself a mother of three who gave birth in three different cities—London, Dubai, and Sydney. “When you’re away from family, these women become your tribe.”

The Journey Behind the Pages

Shad’s path to publication wasn’t glamorous. Before her debut novel The Matchmaker dropped in 2023, she faced years of juggling writing with motherhood and freelance journalism. Literary agents came and went. There were many no’s before the yes.

“There were times when the kids were little, and I just couldn’t write. But I always came back to it. Writing is my life’s work.”

To find time, she carves out late nights and weekends, sometimes escaping to an Airbnb with her husband’s support. “It’s how I don’t lose myself in motherhood.”

Cultural Courage Without Apology

One of the most radical decisions Shad made with this novel was to write without over-explaining. Urdu phrases like gori and beti appear naturally, without footnotes. It's a novel rooted in her experience, not filtered for a Western gaze.

“My editor told me, ‘Stop explaining yourself.’ That changed everything.”

Still, she worried that readers might project the story onto her own life. “I had to put in the acknowledgements: this is fiction.”

She credits her husband for backing her through the writing of such intimate material. “I’m grateful he’s open-minded.”

Why This Book Matters

For Shad, the novel is more than a literary accomplishment—it’s a quiet rebellion against the cultural silences that have long shaped women’s lives. She hopes her readers, especially women of color, will feel seen, empowered, and heard.

“I want this book to start conversations. About desire. About identity. About how we keep friendships alive when marriage and motherhood threaten to consume us.”

And she wants her children to one day read her work and understand its importance.

“I don’t want them growing up not seeing themselves reflected. That’s why I write.”

The Sex Lives of Married Women is available now from Penguin. For those craving honest, layered storytelling around love, longing, and womanhood—this one’s not to be missed.