Should I Lower My Standards to Find a Relationship?
By Lucy | Category: Relationship
I've always had really high standards when it comes to dating. After some failed relationships, I've told myself I won't settle unless I find someone who can offer a mutually healthy relationship. But as I’ve gotten older, I’m starting to feel frustrated. My friends have lowered their standards and started dating people who don’t meet their usual criteria. I’m struggling with whether I should do the same, especially when there’s a guy I feel could be right for me, except that he's a pathological liar and sleeps around. I don't want to be just another person on his list, but I feel like having a physical relationship might be what I need right now. Is it better to compromise on my standards or stick to them? How do I know what’s healthy for me?
It’s great that you’re considering what’s best for you and taking time to evaluate what you want from a relationship. When it comes to lowering your standards, it’s important to distinguish between what are preferences (such as physical traits or personality quirks) and what are core values (like kindness, honesty, respect, and mutual understanding).
In your situation, the guy you mentioned, who is a pathological liar and has a reputation for disrespectful behavior, clearly doesn’t align with the kind of healthy, trustworthy relationship you desire. It’s critical not to compromise on the values that protect your emotional and physical well-being. If someone is dishonest or treats others poorly, getting involved with them can lead to hurt and disappointment in the long run.
You don’t have to lower your standards to find someone who is a good match for you. Consider this: healthy, meaningful relationships (including sexual ones) are built on trust, mutual respect, and shared values. Compromising on these essentials—just for the sake of being with someone—may not only hurt you emotionally, but it can also prevent you from finding a connection that truly satisfies your needs.
In the meantime, if you feel that having a physical relationship is something you want for yourself, it's important to find someone who respects you and shares those same intentions. Healthy intimacy is not just about fulfilling physical needs, but about feeling respected, safe, and valued by the other person. Don’t settle for less than that.
Focus on finding someone who treats you with the same respect and care that you expect from them. And remember, there's no "right age" to explore sexual intimacy—everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no need to rush just to fit into societal timelines or stereotypes.
In the long run, maintaining high standards in terms of respect and healthy dynamics will bring you a much more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.
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